Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Boy Who'd Rather Be Named "Sue"

That will be three-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell, as soon as he's old enough to understand.

Yep, you read that right: Adolf Hitler Campbell of New Jersey, whose parents launched him into notoriety by rushing to the media over the fact that a local grocery store would not write the boy's name on a birthday cake.

Heath Campbell -- who got to grow up with a sane name -- says he was taught that whites and minorities should never associate socially or romantically, but that he plans to raise his children differently. As a first step to this process, he and his wife Deborah named their oldest child Adolf Hitler Campbell, and then went on to name his younger sisters JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell.

Heath Campbell inanely explained that he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because "no one else in the world would have that name." Did we also mention that on at least one previous occasion, the proud parents also wanted a swastika on the cake?

Ah. Well. Seeing that the Campbells have three children, and, being young, may well have more children; and seeing also that they run the risk of running out of "unique" names for their kids, I'd like to pitch in with some suggestions -- all along the lines of the theme they have already chosen, of course:

Magda Goebbels Childkiller Campbell
Adolf Eichmann Auschwitz Campbell
Pol Pot Killing Fields Campbell
Idi Amin Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular Campbell
Madame Mao Cultural Revolution Campbell
Mephistopheles Beelzebub Gehenna Campbell

Admittedly not all white people; but after all, evildoers are all brothers under the skin.

1 comment:

  1. Iosef Zhugazvilli Stalin Campbell:

    Heath James Timothy Mc Carver Campbell;

    Bernard Madoff Campbell;

    Leonid Brezhnev Campbell;

    Just a few more Names in regards to the Campbells