Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Newspeak NOT the Official Language of the Courts After All

Fortunately, the story that circulated earlier this week about the Arizona Supreme Court prohibiting certain "politically incorrect" terminology in reference to illegal aliens in state courts is turning out to be untrue. Unfortunately, we do live in a world where this sort of thing sounds plausible, which of course gave this story legs. After all, even though it is not true the Arizona Supreme Court has implemented the prohibitions in question, it is apparently true that there are those who would like to see it happen. The power of words to shape thoughts and ideas is not lost on liberals any more than it was lost on George Orwell.


Which got me to imagining...



IN THE SUPREME COURT OF V FOR VICTORY


POLITICAL CORRECTNESS,

Plaintiff/Respondent,

vs.

COMMON SENSE,

Defendant/Appellant.

CASE NO. 2008-000001

ORDER








THE COURT having before it the Motion to Prohibit Legalist Terminology in the Courts of this State, and good cause appearing;


NOW, THEREFORE, THIS COURT HEREBY FINDS AS FOLLOWS:


1. In all this country’s egregious tradition of prejudice and bigotry, stretching back to the time of the Founding Fathers, no class of individuals has been more reviled through the centuries than the criminal class.


2. No institution in human history has been guilty of more oppression of the criminal class than the judicial system.


3. It is high time that the judicial system started showing some sensitivity to the criminal classes, and ended the age-old tradition of bashing criminals for no reason other than their choice of profession.


4. This Court finds that a necessary first step to evolving a new and improved attitude toward criminals is to make substitutions for the inflammatory terms too often and too carelessly tossed about in the courts, to the considerable detriment of the self-respect and dignity of criminals everywhere.


5. An emergency exists with regard to this grave problem in the courts, necessitating the immediate application of draconian remedies.


NOW, THEREFORE, IT IS HEREBY ORDERED as follows:


The following terms shall forthwith be banned and prohibited from use in any court in this state, and shall be replaced by the corresponding substitutions, to wit:


PROHIBITED TERM

SUBSTITUTE TERM

Jail

Protective hospitality

Drug dealer

Alternative pharmaceutical entrepreneur

Drunk driver

Chemically challenged motor vehicle operator

Peeping Tom

Alternative entertainment seeker

Thief

Cashless transaction specialist

Shoplifter

Inventory redistributor

Prostitute

Gratification facilitator

Rapist

Hyper-aggressive relationship initiator

Recidivist

Professional

Burglar

Non-conventional locksmith

Rioter

Community organizer

Con artist

Persuasion specialist

Felon

Senior level careerist

Murderer

Late-term abortionist


IT IS HEREBY FURTHER ORDERED that any person found using prohibited terminology in the courts of this state shall be FORTHWITH remanded to the custody of the Sheriff of the county wherein the offense shall have occurred, for a term of not less than five (5) days in protective hospitality.


SO ORDERED.

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